Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
