Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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