And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
