i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
