Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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