I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
