I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
