would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
