Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
