We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
