I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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