But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
