please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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