Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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