ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
