we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
