a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
