update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
