I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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