another moral hangover. fuck.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
