But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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