Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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