google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
