That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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