I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
