Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
