And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
