i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
