I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
