does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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