I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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