How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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