The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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