I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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