i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
