Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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