I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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