I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
