the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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