honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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