Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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