A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
