Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
