I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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