My room smells like vodka and shame
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
