Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".