Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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