so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
