She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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