You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
