he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
