i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
