I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
