Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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