you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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