I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
