i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
