Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
