you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
