If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
