He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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