I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
