For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
