I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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