Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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