The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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