being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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