This is not my ceiling
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
