Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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