I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
