i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Shame - the story of my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize