walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
