I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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