dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
