I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
