I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
