I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Shame - the story of my life.
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