these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
