I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
