at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
