There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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