I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
