just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dear god my vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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