my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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