I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
