Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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