Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
