I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
