is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
