I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drive I can fine osifer
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
