dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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