I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
